Remember this gem?

Online diaries do not fulfill ideals of privacy or honesty

Kim Zamastil

Issue date: 11/4/04

Name a sitcom that has not featured this plotline: Person A reads Person B's diary. Person B is incensed and violated. Hilarity ensues.

I can't think of one, can you? Whether it's Lizzie McGuire's brother reading about her love for Ethan Craft in her fuzzy pink diary (not that I watch that show) or someone on "Friends" having his or her clandestine sexual fantasies discovered by a spy, it is a universal plot.

Why the universality? Partly because the vast majority of sitcom writers seem to write out of the same played-out copy of "10 Recycled Plotlines that Never Get Old" (News flash: yes, they do), but also because a diary is something everyone can relate to.

I'm sure we've all kept a diary at some point in our lives. Doesn't it just seem like the right thing to do? After all, everyone on TV keeps one, right? It's human nature to yearn for an outlet for our thoughts, dreams and desires. A safe place to say whatever we want without fear of repercussion or judgment. A diary, by its very nature, is private.

That is why girls buy diaries with locks to keep their secrets secure inside the glittery covers. That is why boys hide "journals" under mattresses. That is why teenagers post the links to their Xangas on their AIM profiles.

Hold on! Doesn't the idea of an online diary open for public view violate the very purpose of a diary? Let's explore.

As stated earlier, one of the main reasons to have a diary is to have a private place to write your thoughts. An online diary is the antithesis of private. It might take some work to find someone's Xanga, but it's out there.

Second, a diary is a place to be uninhibited. An online diary isn't really a diary because I doubt anyone would write everything he or she is thinking.

"Dear Diary Readers, I am so constipated today ..."

Self-censorship negates the very genre of the diary. You know what teenagers write about in their diaries? How fat and ugly and unpopular they feel. Perhaps a few are that brutally honest online, but they are few.

In fact, no one wants to read about someone else's pity party. Maybe little brothers find it a compelling blackmail tool, but peers don't really care. The diaries people read are the ones with insight and clarity of vision. People with something worthwhile to share. Anne Frank's diary is so poignant because she did not write it for a public audience and it reflects her honest thoughts in a horrendous situation.

Had Anne Frank kept an online journal, she probably would have waxed philosophical or written manifestos about how slutty her classmates were. We would miss out on the thoughts that made her real.

Who writes online diaries? People who think they and their thoughts are more important than they really are. And honestly, who reads online diaries? People with nothing better to do with their time and nothing better to think about than other people's petty problems.

Yet Xanga is flourishing and spreading. Weblogs are the latest fad in online "journalism." My brother's Live Journal entries get dozens of responses each day.

And it isn't all innocent fun. It's remarkably easy to spread nasty rumors through the Web with little remorse because you need not look anyone in the eye as you do it. It's also easy for partisan hacks to spread unchecked spin through Weblogs with no consequences.

Americans value free speech and free access to information, but Web diaries and Weblogs take freedom to a disgusting level.

We obviously have far too much free time. If your thoughts are really that important, you should get a newspaper column.

Kim Zamastil is a senior communication major from Rochelle, Ill.